Straight
talk about gay rights in Natick
By Shannon Haley Daggett / News Staff Writer
Thursday, February 26, 2004
NATICK
-- When asked if Natick High School is a safe school for those
openly gay and lesbian, just one student out of roughly 60
said yes it is. Al Toney, the guest speaker who asked that
question yesterday, is far from shocked. " Your school
is no different than the other schools I've been to, and I've
been in 200 schools," he said, reflecting on his 10 years
as a diversity educator.
Toney
is a 37-year-old retired Worcester Police officer who plans
to marry his boyfriend of five years in July. He has a daughter,
now 15, from a marriage when he was in his early 20s. Toney
retired from the police force after being shot in the right
shoulder while off duty. His boyfriend at the time and another
friend died in the 1991 shooting. It was not a hate crime.
Toney confronted a belligerent group bullying staff at a Worcester
restaurant. Police arrested the suspects, who were later found
guilty. Addressing students when they first sat down in a lecture
room, he told them he was not there to tell them what they
should believe, but rather to talk about their thoughts on
homosexuality. Crossings, Natick's chapter of the Gay Straight
Alliance, sponsored Toney's visit.
Also,
two recent high school graduates, Ashley Shea and Jim Palmer,
talked about their experiences as openly gay people who overcame
rejection by their parents and peers. Shea graduated from Marlborough
High, and Palmer graduated from Waltham High last spring. Recognized
as an innovator by Advocate magazine, Toney is co-founder of
Safe Homes of Central Massachusetts, an organization that aids
homeless youths thrown out of their homes because of their
sexual orientation. Thirty percent of all suicides are committed
by a gay youth, and 20 percent to 40 percent of homeless youths
are gay, lesbian or transgender, Toney said.
Yesterday,
Toney asked students what messages they have received on homosexuality.
A few students said their parents gave them a positive message,
but not all students shared that experience. One student said
his church and parents taught him that homosexuality "is
a sin and it is wrong," and he continues hearing that
message. Asked if a gay or lesbian president would be elected
in their lifetime, most said no. " If they are taught
it is wrong, why are they going to elect someone who stands
for something they don't believe in?" asked one student.
Another said it would only cause problems and be "too
much of an issue." Should gays be allowed to marry? Most
said yes. " Personally, I have neighbors who are gay," said
one student. "They should have the same rights as a male
and female in a relationship." About two-thirds of the
audience said they know someone who is gay, but Toney said
it is likely everyone, whether they know it or not, does. No
students spoke out against homosexuality, but some expressed
their discomfort. " If you want to (be in a homosexual
relationship) that is fine, but when it comes to marrying or
raising a child, I don't think that is right," said a
student.
Nearly
all the students said they would still be friends with a person
who came out gay. But when next asked if they would be comfortable
hanging out with that person's boyfriend or girlfriend, a good
portion of the class said no and were reluctant to explain
why.
When
Toney came out as gay at age 24 to one of his closest friends,
he said his friend's response was the typical, "Don't
hit on me." Toney told him not to worry, he was not his
type. " The rest of the evening we talked about his issue
with why I'm not attracted to him, and that is the typical
response, too," he said to a laughing audience. Gay slurs
are heard on a daily basis, according to about 80 percent of
the students Toney informally polled.
Shea,
a 2003 Waltham High graduate, was resilient in the face of
gay comments thrown at her her in school. " This girl
came into the bathroom and said 'Hey, faggot,' and I said 'Hey,
what's going on.' I'm used to it," she recalled with a
shrug. That girl and her friends ended up beating her up, Shea
said, leaving her passed out and bloody in the bathroom. At
the time, Shea was switching between being a lesbian and a
bisexual. She later admitted she was gay. " I thought
being bisexual would be a lot easier, but it turned out it
wasn't. When I told everyone that I'm a lesbian, everyone in
the school accepted it," she said. "I decided to
be myself, and I got 100 friends." Her parents, however,
have not accepted her orientation, and the only time she has
seen them in the last three years is in court. She is living
with her uncle in Natick.
Al
Toney can be contacted at akconsulting@charter.net. AK Consulting
provides diversity training and consultations.
(
Shannon Haley Daggett can be reached at 508-626-4449 or at
sdaggett@cnc.com. )
